Drabblings
by lucy the divaqueen
Summary: A series of letters, journal entries and letters during, before and after Pride and Prejudice.
1. Chapter 1

**AN:I wrote these for school and thought I'd post them....**

Journal Entry for Ms. Eliza Bennet

I cannot think but to see his face. Oh, gods, what is to become of this? Nothing. I must face that, I know. But I cannot! What is wrong with me?? Lydia, I can see obsessing over unrequited love, Kitty too.

But me? I am not; I can not be that type of woman. This is madness. I cannot forgive or forget what I have said to him, oh, but what! When his thoughts on my family were completely legitimate! Harsh, yes. Proud, yes. But utterly undeniable. And he has saved us. That family which he so utterly scorns, enough so to move his friend out of our sights as to avoid contamination, he saved.

Why? I cannot help but ask myself, though the pondering is sure to bring on a fresh wave of agony. Why on earth would a man such as Mr. Darcy spend ever so much money on a girl he truly detests such as Lydia? He surely gave a fortune to Wickham. Why? Not only spending such money on a female he abhors, but giving that money over to a man he detests even more.

I, in such a love struck state that I am in, cannot help but hope. It is heresy to even imagine, but even as I try to force the thought out of my mind, the it creeps in that he might have performed this heroic act of charity…….for me.

Gods, I cry to even write it. I know it cannot be, I must not let myself to be snatched into such falsehoods, but as I am, I cannot deny them from entering my brain.

I wish there was some way to show him my gratitude, and my love. Tis a true blight that women cannot truly express their affection through courtship and gifts and proposals the way the opposite sex can.

But I laugh to think of myself proposing to Mr. Darcy. I laugh even harder to think of Lady Catherine's reaction to such news. As I am thoroughly infatuated with every hair on his head, I rather think that my proposal would become less like, say, Mr. Bingley's, all sweet and shy and romantic and more along the lines of Mr. Collins's proposal! Oh how I laugh.

It is good to laugh. A love-plagued heart does not have much to laugh about. I cannot express with mere words, expressions or gestures the shame and remorse I feel towards every sentence I have spoken to him. But I know that if I think of it much longer, I will get no sleep. The sooner I blow out the candle, the sooner I can toss and turn for hours. Then the sooner I can become exhausted from emotion and slip into sleep. And how I do love sleep.

For when I sleep, I am at peace, I laugh, and Mr. Darcy loves me.

I do count the days until Jane returns. I am becoming an abomination in love. If I cannot achieve happiness through love of my own, I can at least live vicariously through hers.

Elizabeth Bennet, January 5th

**AN: Next one up is Mary.......I know it's a tad over-dramatic, but I'm rather fond of this....**


	2. Mary Monologue

"Tonight was wretched. I know I sang my nicest, for I saw Mr. Collins smiling in the direction of the piano where Lizzie and Jane were watching me play.

Why did Father interrupt our bonding? Did he not think that this was my grand opening to make a move to snatch Mr. Collins' heart? What a fool he is being. Was the entire point of Mr. Collins' visit not to claim one of us as his wife?

I know not why Lizzie protests to him. She should be more sensible, as a better offer will surely never come to her (if he does in fact select her). He is such a man. God will send a pox on my father.

Honestly, I find myself the only one with any sense of propriety or discipline in this family. Lizzie has some sense, but she is too loosely willed. Jane is honest, and generally good, but she is much too ignorant for her own sake, and her beauty is a vixen that will become her demise, tempting good men to become petulant with sins such as lust and gluttony.

I confess I overheard Mother's conversation with Mr. Collins, and even he, the most pure and intelligent and perfect of men, has been sucked in by her perfection.

He wished to wed her….why does such a man, such a sensible man as he not realize that we are meant to be together? He is rather unattractive in appearance, as am I, so we will not tempt each other in lust except for the necessity of producing a child. We are both devoted and true, are interested in books, share much of the same interests and know how to respect our betters. Lady Catherine! I would certainly like to discuss her with him.

I am much inclined to pine for him, but instead I shall attempt to be coquettish and attract his attention. If he cannot see sense, I must ensnare him through other means, such as fluttering lashes.

After all, he is a man, and most men carry most of their wits in their reproductive system. I wonder if he falls in that category?

Alas, I must be pretty and submissive and giggle. I detest the unnecessary ness of laughter. But if it is the way to ensnare his attention, then I will be fairer than Lizzie, who, though my dear sister has become my competition.

I will him a good wife make.

-Mary Bennet


	3. Chapter 3

Dearest Lizzie,

I write with the most wonderful news!

After long last, this massive house that Charles and I can barely find our way about in will have a smaller pair of feet to join us in our confusion. Lizzie, I am pregnant!

I dare not tell Mama yet, for the reaction that will ensue, but Lizzie, I must tell you! I must share the news! Oh, how blissfully happy I am. I do adore children.

Charles is beside himself. I laugh, and know you will too to see the expression on his are so blessed my dearest sister, so blessed!

I hope you and Mr. Darcy can have the same joy as us someday. But in the meantime, you are to be the most wonderful Aunt Lizzie. I can just see you spoiling them rotten like Aunty did for us. But you really mustn't. That is to be Charles' job, and he is quite looking forward to it, I can tell.

I am so sorry for rambling on like this, but I cannot believe it. You must come and visit as soon as you can my Lizzie. I need some bravery if I am to tell Mama (and Caroline Bingley, but I shan't think of her. I am determined to let nothing dampen my mood).

Love,

Your most wretchedly happy sister Jane


End file.
